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Forum > Nhật k tiếng Anh >> Part-time JOb

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 Post by: linhtrang
 member
 ID 15163
 Date: 05/26/2007


Part-time JOb
profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang    edit -sua doi, thay doi  post reply - goy y kien
A PART-TIME JOB
A Part-Time Job is very useful for under-Graduate Students.Many people think that a part-time job will help them earn a lot of money to cover expenses cost, such as : schoolfee, accommodation, entertainments , but for me, I want to have a part-time so that I can learn many things from this part-time which I cant buy it by money. Is there anyone agree with me? If you have a part-time you will have many experiences in your life , such as : how you will solve your conflict?how you will treat everyone?you will have many skills of employments which school of hard knocks teach you. Part-time gives self-confident for yourself and independence in your work.Before you can be shy and you dont stand your ground in every situations.But now you can improve them by part-time job.It helps you independence in your life, in your work , know to give your ideas before the crowded and protect your idea until the last.Besides, you believe in your ability, you believe that you can do everything, and you are a real clever person.you will save much experience so that after that working you arent clumsy.you also earn some money to cover fee, accommodation, expenses cost such as :birthday, movies,go out with friends


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 Reply: namthao
 member
 REF: 92519
 Date: 05/28/2007


  profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang  edit - sua bai, thay doi   post reply - goy y kien, dang bai
Hello,
If you don't mind, I am going to have some ideas about your writing:

First your topic: A part time job.
On open story: wide open (I like it).
Next you narrow your ideas to support your topic (not strong, but I like it too).

Next, you did not have a conclusion or final thought.

In Technical writing: no "comma" before "such as".
in this part ". . . I want to have a part time job so that I can learn many things from this part time which I can't buy it by money . . ." ( you repeated Part time job)

I rewrite: " . . . I want to have a part time job so that I can learn many things which I can't buy by money . ."
" . . Is there anyone agree with me?"

Suppose: Does anyone agree with me?

next one, you should write: "If you have a part time job, you will have many experiences in your life such as. ."

I sorry I do not understand these sentences: "how you will solve your conflict?how you will treat everyone?

Maybe like this: "You will know how to solve your conflict and treat everyone."

For these sentences:
"It helps you independence in your life, in your work , know to give your ideas before the crowded and protect your idea until the last"

I may rewrite: " It helps you feel more confidence in your life and your work, and you also know how to give ...."

Final thought: I believe a part time job is the most
importance, which offers the best opportunity for students to learn how to work, feel confidence, get extra money, and build up their experience for future.
Besides, my correction, I wonder you should check your punctuate, comma and capital a first letter of a sentence.
Goodluck,


 
 Reply: linhtrang
 member
 REF: 92533
 Date: 05/28/2007


  profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang  edit - sua bai, thay doi   post reply - goy y kien, dang bai
thanks so much for your help.You can give me your email so that I can send my writings to you by email.And if you have time I hope that you will help me.Your english is really very good.Thanks again

 
 Reply: namthao
 member
 REF: 92584
 Date: 05/29/2007


  profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang  edit - sua bai, thay doi   post reply - goy y kien, dang bai
Linh Trang,
Mnh thnh thật xin lỗi. Thật ra sinh ngữ mnh cũng khng thễ gọi l kh, c thể ni mnh đi trước Linh Trang nữa hoặc một bước thi. Mnh ln đy cũng như bao người với mục đch trao dồi sinh ngữ. C đi lc mnh rảnh rổi, nhưng đi khi mnh cũng bận lắm. Do đ Linh Trang cứ ln mạng nầy đi, nếu mnh gip khng được th c người khc. d sao nhiều người đng gp vẫn hay hơn.
Chc May Mắn


 
 Reply: linhtrang
 member
 REF: 92697
 Date: 05/31/2007


  profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang  edit - sua bai, thay doi   post reply - goy y kien, dang bai
uh,du sao cung cam on ban nhe.Nhung gop y cua ban rat co ich cho minh.

 
 Reply: kasumi
 member
 REF: 93350
 Date: 06/17/2007


  profile - trang ca nhan  posts - bai da dang  edit - sua bai, thay doi   post reply - goy y kien, dang bai
one can't defeat an army...but..alot of people
can ...xin chao 2 ban hien`cho tui gia nhap nhom' voi' duoc ko tui cung~muon' trao doi~ve english do' boi~vi` tui cung~la` 1 newscomer..


 
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