|
Post
by:
linhtrang
member
ID 15163
Date: 05/26/2007
|
Part-time JOb
A PART-TIME JOB
A Part-Time Job is very useful for under-Graduate Students.Many people think that a part-time job will help them earn a lot of money to cover expenses cost, such as : schoolfee, accommodation, entertainments …, but for me, I want to have a part-time so that I can learn many things from this part-time which I can’t buy it by money. Is there anyone agree with me? If you have a part-time you will have many experiences in your life , such as : how you will solve your conflict?how you will treat everyone?you will have many skills of employments which school of hard knocks teach you. Part-time gives self-confident for yourself and independence in your work.Before you can be shy and you don’t stand your ground in every situations.But now you can improve them by part-time job.It helps you independence in your life, in your work , know to give your ideas before the crowded and protect your idea until the last.Besides, you believe in your ability, you believe that you can do everything, and you are a real clever person.you will save much experience so that after that working you aren’t clumsy.you also earn some money to cover fee, accommodation, expenses cost such as :birthday, movies,go out with friends…
góp
ý kiến
|
Reply:
namthao
member
REF: 92519
Date: 05/28/2007
|
Hello,
If you don't mind, I am going to have some ideas about your writing:
First your topic: A part time job.
On open story: wide open (I like it).
Next you narrow your ideas to support your topic (not strong, but I like it too).
Next, you did not have a conclusion or final thought.
In Technical writing: no "comma" before "such as".
in this part ". . . I want to have a part time job so that I can learn many things from this part time which I can't buy it by money . . ." ( you repeated Part time job)
I rewrite: " . . . I want to have a part time job so that I can learn many things which I can't buy by money . ."
" . . Is there anyone agree with me?"
Suppose: Does anyone agree with me?
next one, you should write: "If you have a part time job, you will have many experiences in your life such as. ."
I sorry I do not understand these sentences: "how you will solve your conflict?how you will treat everyone?
Maybe like this: "You will know how to solve your conflict and treat everyone."
For these sentences:
"It helps you independence in your life, in your work , know to give your ideas before the crowded and protect your idea until the last"
I may rewrite: " It helps you feel more confidence in your life and your work, and you also know how to give ...."
Final thought: I believe a part time job is the most
importance, which offers the best opportunity for students to learn how to work, feel confidence, get extra money, and build up their experience for future.
Besides, my correction, I wonder you should check your punctuate, comma and capital a first letter of a sentence.
Goodluck,
|
Reply:
linhtrang
member
REF: 92533
Date: 05/28/2007
|
thanks so much for your help.You can give me your email so that I can send my writings to you by email.And if you have time I hope that you will help me.Your english is really very good.Thanks again
|
Reply:
namthao
member
REF: 92584
Date: 05/29/2007
|
Linh Trang,
Mình thành thật xin lỗi. Thật ra sinh ngữ mình cũng không thễ gọi là khá, có thể nói mình đi trước Linh Trang nữa hoặc một bước thôi. Mình lên đây cũng như bao người với mục đích trao dồi sinh ngữ. Có đôi lúc mình rảnh rổi, nhưng đôi khi mình cũng bận lắm. Do đó Linh Trang cứ lên mạng nầy đi, nếu mình giúp không được thì có người khác. dù sao nhiều người đóng góp vẫn hay hơn.
Chúc May Mắn
|
Reply:
linhtrang
member
REF: 92697
Date: 05/31/2007
|
uh,du sao cung cam on ban nhe.Nhung gop y cua ban rat co ich cho minh.
|
Reply:
kasumi
member
REF: 93350
Date: 06/17/2007
|
one can't defeat an army...but..alot of people
can ...xin chao 2 ban hien`cho tui gia nhap nhom' voi' duoc ko tui cung~muon' trao doi~ve english do' boi~vi` tui cung~la` 1 newscomer..
|
|
|
|
Kí hiệu:
:
trang cá nhân :chủ
để đã đăng
 :
gởi thư
:
thay đổi bài
:ý kiến |
|
|
|
|
|
